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Reasons I Haven’t Watched Ibrahimovic’s Wonder Goal until Today

1. It was against England, the club I’ve supported since I was a soccer watching amateur

2. It was by Zlatan Ibrahimovic, noted enemy of the blog.

3. Like, I’ve seen everything. I’ve seen so many cool sports plays that I can’t keep up.

4. I guess this is a result of the 24-Hour Sports News Cycle. I can’t blink without something else happening. How many Sportcenter top plays have I seen in my life? 

5. It was by Zlatan Ibrahimovic, noted enemy of the blog.

Having said that…

This is the type of goal that tears fabrics in the space time continuum. This is the type of goal that brings Abraham Lincoln back from the dead. This is the type of goal that gets elected Prime Minister. This is the type of goal that brings on Ragnarok and ten thousand days of darkness. This goal reads Tolstoy in it’s original Russian as a hobby. This goal won’t bring peace to the Middle East, but it’ll at least get people to the table. This goal should be given it’s own prime time mystery show on CBS. This goal punched the Anti-Monitor into the sun in Crisis on Infinite Earths #7. This goal wrote Quadrophenia and introduced Dylan to the electric guitar. 

Absolutely magesterial.

Ibrahimovic’s still a dick though.

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I’ve talked about  Soccer’s weird relationship with race and the often myopic handling of racist incidents before. Give them this… In America, when some dickhole is yelling “Go back to Africa/Mexico” or singing “Ho Ho, Hey Hey, You’ll be cleaning our kitchens one day,”  or trying to get an outfielder’s attention by yelling “Hey, Nigger,” he isn’t shamed in a national newspaper the next day. Usually, somebody just buys him a beer.

Link

Read it.

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On Ray Lewis.

Look, Ray Lewis is old. He’s been a liability against the run lately. Yeah, he was leading the team in tackles, but that’s not exactly a good thing. People don’t fear him anymore. They run right at him. There’s still a healthy respect (The old man’s still an artist with the Thompson), but everybody in the league knows this isn’t 2001.

And it’s not like he retired or died on the field. He’ll still be the “emotional leader” of the team, just not in the huddle. So there’s no reason to go all Cronkite on us, local news people. Step away from the ledge.

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Has Science gone too far? I’ve created a monster that sulks, throws into double coverage, and tells you what you can and cannot do with your uterus. I call it, Fantasy Kill-Bot 2012.

Has Science gone too far? I’ve created a monster that sulks, throws into double coverage, and tells you what you can and cannot do with your uterus. I call it, Fantasy Kill-Bot 2012.

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Torrey Smith lost his brother in a motorcycle accident earlier. He decided to play tonight. A couple minutes ago, he made an amazing diving touchdown against the AFC Champion Patriots. 

Someone had the nerve to say at the bar, “Shit, I have him on my fantasy team.” I was too busy to ream him out, but fortunately other customers got in his ear. It was beautiful.

Another dude was like, loudly talking about the Raiders while Heyward-Bey was on the ground. I don’t think he knew what was going on, and really, seeing a player on the ground is an unfortunate part of the game. Still, like, pay attention asshole. There was a reason why everybody had their hands over their mouths. 

I see a lot of horrible shit working in a sports bar, some dark sides of humanity that can only be revealed after ten beers and a lack of empathy. Stop being shitheads, people. 

On the brightside, a Man United fan patted me on the back and said “Justice" earlier. Sometimes nice things happen.  

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flipflopflyball:

“La Danse avec Andrés Iniesta” by Henri Matisse

flipflopflyball:

“La Danse avec Andrés Iniesta” by Henri Matisse

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TWO WORLD WARS AND ONE WORLD CUP

ENGLAND

ENGLAND

TWO WORLD WARS AND ONE WORLD CUP

3 LIONS ALL THE WAY

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afootballreport:

Match between 8-year-olds in Poland abandoned due to crowd trouble.

Remember when you were eight years old kicking around without a clue about tactics or even how to play in different positions? Remember when 500 supporters showed up with flares and streamers showed up to … ahem… support your team? If you don’t remember that second bit, then clearly you didn’t experience the joys and pure ridiculousness of Polish football culture. Think these kids will ever forget about this scarring occasion?

I want to do this so bad. I’d say “Let’s get something like this going at the next St. Anthony of Padua game,” but 1. that place closed down (budget cuts!) and 2. Seems like a weird conversation to have with Baltimore County police. “Why did we show up drunk and rowdy at an 8 year old soccer game? Because the first amendment, pig.”

Well done, Poland. This is the greatest thing since Tadeusz Kościuszko.

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(Source: t1k1-taka, via samiiihyypia)