life's grand parade

“Why do you think there aren’t like hordes of Saber Tooth Tigers walking around Parkville right now? They were fucking bullshit. Tigers and Lions get along just fine with regular size teeth. They don’t have to worry about chipping that shit on a bone, then like, losing their only means of eating shit. And like, the Saber Tooth Tiger wasn’t up to date on his dental shit, so that bullshit decayed over time. So you have giant fucking teeth that are a huge liability. Oh, and they had a weak jaw, so they couldn’t choke a motherfucker out. If they lose the teeth, they just lay down and wait for their body to die. How does that sound like a sustainable evolutionary ability? Fuck Saber Tooth Tigers.”

“If you don’t want to watch Ice Age, just say so.”