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stayinbedgrowyrhair:

now seems like as good a time as any to tell you all that i’ve picked up a bartending gig, which is terrible because i don’t know how to make ANY drinks and also i’m not super clear on what the different types of beer are. my fanciest cocktail is orange soda vodka mixed with cherry limeade carbonated beverage. i’m just planning on propping my tits up and collecting sad old guy tips. i’m gonna finance three months of rent off this swindle

So much of the job is faking it, it’s not funny. You project enough confidence behind the bar, and you can serve a person any swill and have them think that THEY are the ones who don’t know what a proper Gimlet tastes like. 

Honestly, like 98% of the bartenders out there have no idea what they’re doing, which is why Pinnacle created 1000 flavors of whipped cream vodka. As long as you can separate yourself from that pack, you should be fine.

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Shepard’s Pie is honestly one of the most disgusting foods one could possibly consume, just a mish mash of garbage with mashed potatoes shoveled on top of it. Like, we talked shit about the KFC bowl, meanwile every Irish-American/English themed restaurant serves this shit. Anyway, I’m eating some reheated Shepard’s Pie right now and it’s so delicious, and worth every nightmare it’s going to give me tonight.

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yeahiwasintheshit:

LGP! everytime i see this commercial i think of you now

NEUROSCIENCE

yeahiwasintheshit:

LGP! everytime i see this commercial i think of you now

NEUROSCIENCE

(Source: trophywivesclub)

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wabisabiforrobots:

"If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward then, brother, that person is a piece of shit. And I’d like to get as many of them out in the open as possible. You gotta get together and tell yourself stories that violate every law of the universe just to get through the goddamn day? What’s that say about your reality?"

wabisabiforrobots:

"If the only thing keeping a person decent is the expectation of divine reward then, brother, that person is a piece of shit. And I’d like to get as many of them out in the open as possible. You gotta get together and tell yourself stories that violate every law of the universe just to get through the goddamn day? What’s that say about your reality?"

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When you stare into the abyss, the abyss spoils Game of Thrones for you.

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gracie-law:

lifesgrandparade:

gracie-law:

lifesgrandparade:

Bar Bathroom Wall Graffiti

RIP Mark Reynolds!

He’s not dead, but his career certainly is.

There must be a dead Mark Reynolds somewhere and I honor his memory with this graffiti. Also, I Googled “Mark Reynolds” and I guess he’s a baseball player or something and I’m not embarrassed for having no idea who he is. You’re so clever. What is up with you and sports?

I work in a sports bar and I have to pretend that I give half a shit about baseball to half the donkeys that show up and get wasted.

gracie-law:

lifesgrandparade:

gracie-law:

lifesgrandparade:

Bar Bathroom Wall Graffiti

RIP Mark Reynolds!

He’s not dead, but his career certainly is.

There must be a dead Mark Reynolds somewhere and I honor his memory with this graffiti. Also, I Googled “Mark Reynolds” and I guess he’s a baseball player or something and I’m not embarrassed for having no idea who he is. You’re so clever. What is up with you and sports?

I work in a sports bar and I have to pretend that I give half a shit about baseball to half the donkeys that show up and get wasted.

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gracie-law:

lifesgrandparade:

Bar Bathroom Wall Graffiti

RIP Mark Reynolds!

He’s not dead, but his career certainly is.

Reynolds is known both for his power-hitting abilities and for his record-breaking strike out totals. He holds the all-time record for most strikeouts in a season, with 223 in 2009, and led the National League in strikeouts in his first three full major-league seasons. After he was traded to the Orioles following his third season in the Major Leagues he led the American League in strikeouts during his fourth season.

gracie-law:

lifesgrandparade:

Bar Bathroom Wall Graffiti

RIP Mark Reynolds!

He’s not dead, but his career certainly is.

Reynolds is known both for his power-hitting abilities and for his record-breaking strike out totals. He holds the all-time record for most strikeouts in a season, with 223 in 2009, and led the National League in strikeouts in his first three full major-league seasons. After he was traded to the Orioles following his third season in the Major Leagues he led the American League in strikeouts during his fourth season.

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Bar Bathroom Wall Graffiti

Bar Bathroom Wall Graffiti

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Donkey Russlin’

Donkey Russlin’