Facebook is weird, like, Stereolab’s Laetitia Sadier is showing up on my chat list, like I could just say “Hey what’s up Laetitia Sadier, how’s the new album?” WHICH I WON’T do, because I’m not a fucking monster, but the option is there.
- In high school, he took me to see Rent at the Fox Theater and his response was, “I don’t understand why they didn’t all just get jobs.”
- A few years ago, I took him to see Bruce Springsteen, and he not only insisted on sitting through most of the set but also leaned forward and tapped the shoulder of one of the bros who were dancing and having a good time in the seats in front of us (as you do) and said, “You know, you don’t have to stand the entire time.” Because they were blocking his view.
The late father of lifesgrandparade referred to “printing” things as “Downloading it.” Which I guess it technically is? “Hey son, can you download something for me?”
He told me to shake a leg before a play.
He’d misquote Aragorn’s battle speech in Lord of the Rings, a movie he liked a lot because of the battles.
WHICH REMINDS ME, if you ever saw a movie with him, and by movie, my dad would only watch action movies, he’d explain how “A bullet could never travel that way” or “He’s messing with the Russian mafia? Pshew, son, those guys are no JOKE.” Like anyone sitting around us got a comprehensive lesson on Southeast Asian politics during a screening of Usual Suspects.
I hope Kobe doesn’t have a tumblr, because he’s going to save my picture, print it out, frame it on his wall, and write 2016 with x’s over my eyes.
Kobe will hold a grudge against you if you take the last shot. I’m talking about when you’re playing on his team, like, nigga will eyeball you if you make the game winning three and walk off the court without shaking your hand. He’ll spend the next sleepless night plotting out a ten year plan to humiliate you at your weakest. Kobe will be the last face you see. And when your done, he won’t even smile.
The man’s a sociopath. David Chase should write his biography.
There was a McDonalds commercial where Kobe was taking a bunch of playground kids out to eat, and it’s literally the greatest piece of speculative fiction ever written.
Kobe Bryant is the professional basketball equivalent of Darth Vader in Empire, right down to the father issues and injury concerns.