My new years resolution is to take a drink someone’s bought me, stare deeply into their eyes, and pour it out. Preferably someone I don’t like, but if It’s not done by November, I wouldn’t rule out doing it to friends.
How about a Cyber Equalizer? Like, if you’re getting cyberstalked, you hire a cyber equalizer, he figures out who the fuck is doing it, goes to his house (Because it’s definitely a him) and beat the fucking everliving shit out of him and his computer. I’ll have to hire a team, because I know literally nothing about computers, but I do know something about turning on the intimidating black guy with a baseball bat thing.
The bieber deposition is everything you could want. It makes the son of a bitch look like a punchable little monster, and it sets up the moment when he does something REAL stupid. Anyone heading into a legal proceeding like he’s filming a rap video is not long for this world.
All the writing about True Detective seems to be about consumers unhappy it wasnt about the thing they thought it was about, which tells you about all you need to know about the clickbait that is contemporary writing about television.
Tumblr user lifeaquatic tagged me on this question and answer thingy. I didn’t answer because I was binge watching TD before the season finale.
Always post the rules. Answer the questions of the person who tagged you and write 11 new ones. Tag 11 people and link them. Let them know they are tagged.
1. Why did you join Tumblr?
Well, it all started with a Moe Tkacik blog entry on the economy or something. I can’t remember which one, but it led me to reading the entirety of her blog during a long, boring day of work. This was around the economic collapse, so I was looking for any sense of “what was going on.” I don’t know if I read Barthel’s “Politics is a Magical Pony” stuff before or after, but that eventually led me to reading most of his blog too. Life was different back then, pre-dashboard. A lot easier to fall into a blog reading trap. Nowadays, if something isn’t IN MY FACE IMMEDIATELY, I will probably ignore it until someone reblogs.
Anyway, because I’m arrogant, I thought “This looks easy. I’ll start blogging my feelings and will be an instant internet success.” Turns out blogging is really hard when you’re not good at things, generally. Somehow I ended up meeting some really quality people, learning fromt hem, and carving out “some semblance” of a blog.
2. Do you have any superstitions?
The first Ravens Super Bowl run, I did a little prayer before every game, and the team dominated everyone they saw. Granted, I knew that the good lord, should he exist, does not give two shits about the Central Maryland Football Franchise, but it still felt good to have some control over the universe. The next season I didn’t do it, and the Ravens lost in the second round, so I felt like I was more powerful than I thought.
Last year, we wnet to the same fucking bar all the time, and the fucking Ravens won the super bowl. My new superstition is, every ten or so years, repeat some sort of pattern and the Ravens will win a super bowl
I also tend to not wear jerseys with player names on them. Todd Heap was injured, Fernando Torres turned into a little benedict arnold after I got his, and Ray Rice turned into the type of guy they base HBO series after.
3. What’s your favourite colour?
Colour, Molly? Really.
I think green? I like spring, I like grass, I like trees, I like weed, I like soccer, I like shires and woods and shit, and my favorite shirt is green. I don’t own a green hat though, I think I’m going to buy an Athletics cap sometime down the road.
4. Where have you always wanted to travel?
I’ve always wanted to go to a Mega City, like Seoul, or Shanghai or Mumbai, just to see how I’d deal with so many people everywhere. My theory is I’d adjust, because that’s what a Doug does. I’ve also wanted to go to Moscow, but it seems like I’d spend most of my time there running from a white supremacist mob.
5. When people ask you for book recommendations, what do you say?
I’m currently reading Infantry Attacks by Erwin Rommel, which is a weird thing to be reading and recommending. I also bought a text book on the Crusades, which, see previous answer. I like to tell people they should read Orlando before they die.
6. What was your favourite subject in junior high?
If you couldn’t tell by the previous answer, History and English.
7. You want a glass of water: sparkling or still?
Still. Sparkling water’s for scotch.
8. If you could own any kind of vehicle, what would it be?
A private train.
9. Preferred midnight snack?
Sweet Potato Fries have been my go to lately.
10. Who is the most powerful person in the world right now?
The Yellow King
11. Reincarnation is real: what would you come back as?
Honestly, If reincarnation is real, I’d like to come back as myself. Like, I hope that history just has a cycle of Doug Myers in different epochs. I’d like to see “Olden slave time Doug” saying “Fuck this.” and getting whipped to death. I’d like to see World War I era Doug looking over the top, getting shot at, and saying “Fuck this.” and getting executed by some French fuck general. Imagine Crusader Doug, letting Saladin into Jerusalem because “Fuck it.” Also, I’d like to see Future Doug No Call, No Show his space bartending job because “Fuck it.”
1. What’s the most interesting fact about your place of birth?
2. What is your favorite bit of Tumblr Science (easily disproved pseudo-science and hokum, mixed in with gifs).
3. What embarrasing band did you listen to when you were younger? I’ll open up the floor, I owned Limp Bizkit’s 3 dollar bill Ya’ll.
4. What was your funniest/scariest interaction with the police? Did you end up in jail? What was that like?
5. What was the worst book you read cover to cover not named A Separate Peace?
6. Which oft quoted sentence would you banish upon pain of death?
7. What’s your greatest tale of revenge?
8. F/M/K: Rust Cohle, Stringer Bell, Tony Soprano?
9. If you were an evil wizard/witch, what animal would you pet ominously?
10. What’s your favorite gif? Describe it for me in one paragraph.
Selling things on Craigslist means dealing with such a special brand of crazy. In person. If I don’t post here again in the next 24 hours, my family was slaughtered in an attempt to sell a mattress and box spring.
I think the secret is to outcrazy the crazies. When they show up, make sure to already be outside on a rocking chair, polishing a shotgun you’ve named Nelly.
The thought of “spoilers” for that last episode is actually quite of strange to me, because I don’t think being told anything about it ahead of time would have changed my perception of it? I almost feel like—unlike a traditional mystery narrative—nothing revealed is surprising, and the most interesting bits had nothing to do with things you could spoil.
I think there’s the obvious (the fate of the detectives, the fate of the case), but other then that, you’re right. All I could really say is that there was a harrowing half hour and a chase that I needed to pause because it was so intense.
There aren’t really spoilers in this, it’s like… I was thinking back to the last episode where Marty was eating microwave food in front of the television, and navigating some dating website, and sorta just looking back on his mistakes and realizing “yeah, that’s about it for me,” Well, that’s what I was doing with this past week. EXCEPT THERE WAS A DOG NEXT TO ME, and the dog made everything infinitely better. The cat too, though he ripped up my briefcase.
When asked about his tweet, Garofalo said he was “talking about NBA’s high arrest rate and that they are the only major pro league that testing positive for marijuana is not a substance abuse violation,” according to the Star Tribune. “No intent beyond that,” he said.
This piece of garbage acts like niggas haven’t heard about Lee Atwater.
The first of these enemies were Dr. Peacock, a peacock modeled after a stereotypical mad scientist who stole Toucan Sam’s color with a giant laser called a color ray, thus rendering him black and white. Toucan Sam and his nephews find Dr. Peacock’s lair and use the color ray to return his colors, and add Rainbow Loops to the cereal as voted by kids everywhere.
Another enemy, an alien called the Nasty Alien Froot Monster, lands on Earth in search of the ultimate fruit taste of Froot Loops. He captures Toucan Sam, but thanks to online voting, Toucan Sam’s nephews gave the Froot Monster what he wanted, allowing Toucan Sam to escape. The Froot Monster, however, wanted more and stole Toucan Sam’s cereal box. When Toucan Sam and his nephews found him, the Froot Monster devoured the entire box, and turned from bad to good by changing from green to yellow and creating Alien Berry Froot Loops, which he shared with everyone.
Then after, the smell of Froot Loops travels through the mirror to the land of Froot Scents, where the Froot Queen owns all fruity aromas. When she smells the Froot Loops, she declares it the best fruit scent and orders her guards (humans with fruit for heads) to capture the Froot Loops. The guards successfully steal the Fruit Loops and break the mirror in the process. Toucan Sam and his nephews fix the mirror, and Toucan Sam follows them inside, commenting on the land’s wonderful and strange fruit, and takes back the Froot Loops from the Froot Queen. The Froot Queen orders her guards to capture Toucan Sam, but the confusion allows Toucan Sam to take some of the land’s fruit, where kids decided through online voting that the new loop should be Cherry-Cherry. Toucan Sam then escaped and added the Cherry-Cherry to the cereal. He even gave the new Froot Loops to the Froot Queen, whom after taking a bite, turned into a pretty good queen and rewarded her guards with Cherry-Cherry loops.
A series of commercials for Froot Loops followed the adventures of Toucan Sam and his nephews finding a treasure map and following it to a treasure that once belonged to a toucan pirate, Blackbeak (the name is a pun on Blackbeard). In each exploit, they reach a new destination that holds a new variety of Froot Loops, the most recent being “Golden Bars” (in reality, just 3 Yellow Froot Loops stuck in a line) They encountered him and three other pirates later on. However, the pirates were beaten by a laser Sam made out of the loops and Blackbeak was helpless. Blackbeak looks very similar to Toucan Sam.
Villain #5 is the Greedy Froot Pharaoh in Egypt. A bandage was loose. A nephew stomped on that and beat him.
Villain #6 is the Selfish Froot Master in Japan. This karate koi ate some loops thrown by Sam and was trapped by 2 nephews in a fish bowl.
Sam set off to Mexico to get some Froot Loops. But he had to get through the Greedy Witch Doctor first. The Witch doctor was tickled and fell off his temple. He let go of his magic sprinkles on the way down and Sam used those to top the Froot Loops, creating Froot Loops with Sprinkles. In 2013 a new villain called Carl the King Crab is released. And as the commercials will now be CGI Carl is the first enemy to be in CGI.
Still not over that horse ride that happened down the street. It looked like a scene from The Cowboy Way
Saw a guy trotting a horse up Howard at 25th in the left lane like 2 years ago and I’m still not over it.
Dude, have you ever left Fells Point? The arabbers bring their horses (and usually fruit carts) all over Baltimore
Hey, Fuck you. I’ve lived everywhere in this city. I’ve seen Arabbers all over the place, I’ve seen police horses, what I don’t usually see is “Two dudes riding two horses down Preston street, shitbag. HORSE RIDE. People RIDING HORSES.