February 2012
195 posts
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New Mottos for America.
”Police say alcohol may have played a factor.”
“I bought a new lock for my bike.”
“That’s Reverse Racism!”
“I don’t like their crepe selection.”
“Next, on Mickey Spillane’s, ‘Mike Hammer.”
“You got the right one baby, uh huh.”
“No dude, she gets completely naked.”
“I...
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Has Andre Villas-Boas Been Sacked Yet? →
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Jose Canseco Does A Mean Tracy Morgan Impression
oldtimefamilybaseball:
If you add “Liz Lemon” to the end of Jose Canseco’s tweets, he sounds exactly like Tracy Morgan on 30 Rock. Don’t believe me? Try it below:
As always, if you want to read more of Canseco’s stunning comedy routines, follow him on Twitter. Inspiration for the post courtesy of Funny or Die.
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Thus far, been a bad year for Douglas/invertebrate relations.
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Doug's Mom, Action Taxes 4
Mom: H&R block has no idea how many customers I refer to them.
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Doug's Mom, Action Taxes 3
Mom: Let me tell you about _____________. She had me on the phone for an hour trying to see if I could deduct diapers. DIAPERS.
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The Benefits of a Classical Education
My cousin is asking me to write a three minute speech for her class.
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New York Magazine's List of Other "Seinfeld"... →
inothernews:
George Costanza: “I lie every second of the day. My whole life is a sham!”
Jerry Seinfeld: “You’re going to really see me being a phony, now. I hope you can take this. Maybe you should go in the other room.”
George Costanza: “Just remember. It’s not a lie … if you believe it.”
Jerry Seinfeld: “If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.”
...
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Out of all the songs that could possibly be used for a commercial, “Ridin” by chamillionaire is in the bottom ten.
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This Week on Hoarders
Zasio: Well what about this one?
Doug: Justice League Europe, issue 19 from October 1990? You gotta be kidding me, that’s a fucking collector’s item.
Zasio: (furrows brow).
Doug: It’s the conclusion to the extremists arc!
Zasio: There’s a coffee ring over Captain Atom’s face.
Doug: It’s still good.
Zasio: (Furrows Brow)
Doug: What. It’s still...
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Ta Da!
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Not sure what’s up with the color scheme, but I do like me some old man Grainger rage.
i was going to respond to somebody’s post with an Are You Being Served gif, but found a shocking lack of them. There’s just thirty of the same Mr. Humphries reactions.
Well… I’m going to change that.
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Really though
You can say that about every Republican candidate ever ever ever.
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Until someone provides me with evidence to the contrary, I’ll continue to believe that Rick Santorum is a 4-Chan Meme experiment gone horribly wrong.
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A lot of People are googling Bath Salts right now.
Also, I’m starting an anonymous advice column called “Bath Salt Talk.”
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“Homer at the Bat” was proof you could see baseball in all its silliness...”
– But did Steve Sax ever get out of jail?
(via)
If you think Pepsi is better than Coke, I'm going...
rosa—sparks:
I guess I am un-American.
Sorry, y’all. I love Pepsi. LOVE. IT.
Besides, Michael Jackson and Alfonso Ribeiro dance better because of it, so that’s all I’ll ever need.
Pepsi also has a Red White and Blue can, so like
The Five Minutes Where I thought I could possibly...
Those were some great times.
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You should’ve been a cop, fuck hip hop, with...
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One Taco over the Line, Sweet Jesus
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Called it
Wrong newspaper though. I expect better Post.
Hey, here’s another free one. Person of Linterest.
Mike From Glen Burnie, You're on the Sports Zone
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Which reminds me of a terrible joke.
So these two Italian guys are on the bus. The one turns to the other and says “First Emma Come, than I a Come, than two S’ come together. Then I a come again. Then two S’ come together. Then I P twice,then I a come again.”
Somebody up front turns to them and says “That’s disgusting. In our country, we don’t talk about stuff like that on the bus.”
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